It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
