Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
