whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
