I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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