Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
