ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
