I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
