Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
