i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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