"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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