if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
