ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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