I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
