We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
