Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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