My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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