My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I pour the whiskey from now on
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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