I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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