i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
