she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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