High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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