Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
