she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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