I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize