Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize