Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
