i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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