You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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