went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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