I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
