Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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