It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
