On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
