Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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