I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
