I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
