U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
