Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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