my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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