I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I love having hate sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
