God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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