I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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