Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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