I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
