she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
