Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
