she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
