I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
