Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I smell like Dick and happiness
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