Where did you get a picture of my penis
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
