I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
