tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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