I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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