No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
