She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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