it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
