The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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