all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
