I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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