i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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