The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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