I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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