I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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