i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
