You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
