Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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