He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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