Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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