Don't make out with my wife yet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
