sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
