I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
