it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
