Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
