Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
