i was rollin on her like bob the builder
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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