Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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