Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
