Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
