I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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