"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
