We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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