Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
